lifeless

boy do i have the most boring life around. i've got tonnes of readings to catch up on, endless reports to write, and deadlines that i cannot possibly meet. my life is totally sick to the stomach. the main library in ntu is now my first home, not even second to my own home. here i find everything i need for work. books, decent computer, internet access, and the toilet.

today, supposedly the first day of a week's break from school, and i'm already back in school working. for the rest of this week, probably only wednesday and thursday i may try to stay home. i have no idea how i'm going to scrape through tomorrow's investments tutorial presentation which i know nuts about. even the textbook's not enough to save my a**. see how lor.

there's just so much more to be done.

wah! da*n irritating! some spastic person using a few computers away from mine is acting with so much exaggeration that i have to calm myself from punching him in the face! and trust me, his face, everyone will wanna put your fist in it. *grit teeth* still giggling to himself somemore?! oh man! will somebody throw him out!! some of these people really do exist don't they? gets on my nerves! oh goody, i found what i need: "Evanesco!" (Latin for “to vanish”. Used to make an object disappear.) or just simply use this for anything you hate: "Avada Kedavra!" (Aramaic phrase that means "may it be destroyed”. An Unforgivable Curse used to kill the victim.)

muUAahaHAHAhaha...!!!

recruit yan yan

on 7th of september, a thursday afternoon, ah yan was enlisted into the army. i went with him on his first day of stepping foot on tekong. the day was sunny and pleasant, only slightly warm, and i was filled with curiosity. the journey was a little tedious though, starting with a bus journey to the changi ferry terminal, after which the ferry took us out to the sea and finally arriving at tekong island. i kept complaining about the strong saltwater-stench that lingered along the shores of the island, it was abit more overwhelming than normal beaches i guess. next, we had to separate with my brother abit, the family and friends get a tour around their camp while the guys went somewhere else to get a welcome lecture, i think.

the tour consisted of a bus ride to their school, showing us the parade grounds, canteens and medical centre. we went to have a look around at their bunks, rooms for leisure activities, etc. i had alot of feelings when i saw all these places.. everything was a reminder of some things. the parade ground where the graduation takes place, the closets in the bunks where clothes will be kept (mice?), which company, which platoon, which section, things i never knew, i would have to imagine.

we finally saw yan again at the auditorium for his oath-taking. they screened a video regarding army life of course. throughout, i was trying to spot friends i might know who was caught on tape! hehe! but i didn't really find any. next was the CO's speech, i think he's very friendly and fatherly. "enlistees, are you with me?" and the guys reacted promptly "yes sir!" woah.... cool! that was nice. and then finally they took their oaths. so proud of them... national anthem was played thereafter. we slowly filed out of the auditorium when it was over and ate dinner with my brother at the canteen. and so the event ended with him walking us to the entrance and saying our goodbyes, see you on the 21st, his first book-out.

he's been calling back, telling us how well he's doing. latest is him saying his botak looks handsome on him! oh gosh... haha. can't wait to see him come back home.

and yeah, happy birthday to me. =)

not so good lately...

oh school... when i don't have it, i want it to keep my life busy again, but when there's too much of it, i don't really wanna do anything related to it. just when i thought having to do my final year project was hard work enough, the school still throw in more projects for us to tackle. and how more fantastic than to give us the hardest thing ever --- design a bridge and include every detailed plan of building it, right down to it's environmental concerns. so here we go, another chance for me to do some "architecture" work, and this is the only optimistic thing for me to think about.

Humans can be very complicated subjects. me, for instance, although i know a person well, i still like to give myself reasons to doubt people. i think it's some kind of protection for me, something like a preparation for the worst scenario that might happen. it's not comforting, but i guess i got sick of life and it's facts and i believe in murphy's law, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. but we can't absolutely control the way things turn out, we can't predict people or stop them from doing what they wanna do, there's only persuasion, trust, undying endurance, and in the case of relationships: unconditional love.

although optimism is important for keeping a healthy mind, i feel so easily brought down by bad things that happen. it is just so convenient and natural to stay in "misery-mode". feeling the pain and torture ourselves with ridiculous thoughts that didn't seem really all that ridiculous when we're in it. notice i am saying "us", "ourselves", "we"... i'm not in it alone. people do feel it. but they just keep things to themselves very well.

i just want a simple love.