not so good lately...

oh school... when i don't have it, i want it to keep my life busy again, but when there's too much of it, i don't really wanna do anything related to it. just when i thought having to do my final year project was hard work enough, the school still throw in more projects for us to tackle. and how more fantastic than to give us the hardest thing ever --- design a bridge and include every detailed plan of building it, right down to it's environmental concerns. so here we go, another chance for me to do some "architecture" work, and this is the only optimistic thing for me to think about.

Humans can be very complicated subjects. me, for instance, although i know a person well, i still like to give myself reasons to doubt people. i think it's some kind of protection for me, something like a preparation for the worst scenario that might happen. it's not comforting, but i guess i got sick of life and it's facts and i believe in murphy's law, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. but we can't absolutely control the way things turn out, we can't predict people or stop them from doing what they wanna do, there's only persuasion, trust, undying endurance, and in the case of relationships: unconditional love.

although optimism is important for keeping a healthy mind, i feel so easily brought down by bad things that happen. it is just so convenient and natural to stay in "misery-mode". feeling the pain and torture ourselves with ridiculous thoughts that didn't seem really all that ridiculous when we're in it. notice i am saying "us", "ourselves", "we"... i'm not in it alone. people do feel it. but they just keep things to themselves very well.

i just want a simple love.